"Baby boy takes world by storm!"
"Wonder child born in miraculous way!"
"New breed of species through to be extinct, re-discovered!"
Good Evening Chairperson, ladies and gents.
It was a dark gloomy night. Thunder struck and the electricity ridden bolts of lightening began to light up the house to reveal the unknown mysteries that lay beneath. The shear screams that came from inside the house echoed and echoed and echoed down the long dark, eerie corridor. This night was full of pain, heaving and pushing until she was exhausted beyond exhaustion. However instead of her child being born, his tiny fingers clenched to make a fist as he punched is way out of his mother's womb, ready for life. And on this night, a modern gladiator was born. This was also known as the invention of caesarian birth. Shortly after this, the child grew a beard.
Some may think to themselves, what does a modern gladiator look like? Well, there is only one, true answer to that question. He is strong, with the strength of a jungle lion, but still have the most in-touch and gentle sides that a man can have. He is 5'11" tall with such a ravishing figure that no one shall dare stare upon him. His face - flawless. Sparkling bright blue eyes that reflect both the ocean and the sky. He has a cheeky, yet seductive grin that gradually turns into the most beautiful smile known to man and he has such sexy, sleek and roughed up hair, as red as the molten lava at
Some may think to themselves, what does a modern gladiator act like? He acts as the Texas Ranger. He moves with ease and grace. His reflexes are unlike no other. He is cool, calm and collected. Ever vigilant for any obstacle that may next come his way. He walks with such confidence and zest, that he could defy the limits of gravity. But, you see, this modern gladiator does not have to act.
Of course this modern gladiator that I speak of is much, much more that just a gladiator, oh yes. He is a man, myth, legend, god. His tears could cure cancer, although he never cries. He has never lost a fight to a pirate, although he likes to say that he has, just to lure them to him. He is the only reason the aliens of the outside worlds haven't attacked yet and he can touch MC Hammer.
But this is nothing. He can stare at a book until the information jumps out at him from pure terror; he sells his sweat as the canned beverage that we know as 'Red Bull'; he can win a game of connect four, with only three moves and his favourite and personal best, he has increased the number of roundhouse kick related deaths by 13000%.
This gladiator, is the one, the only, the invincible, the Chuck Norris.
Yes, the same Chuck Norris that holds every world record. I know that you may not see him in that book, but if you look closely in the very back, in small print it states: "Chuck Norris holds every world record there is, this book is just a publishing of all those that have come the closest."
The same Chuck Norris that his and only his hand can beat a royal flush.
The same Chuck Norris that grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
Yes, this is the same Chuck.
Chuck Norris has had such an impact on our world. You see, some people wear Superman pajamas in their day dreaming fantasies to become heroes the same as he, but superman himself, wears Chuck Norris pajamas. He is, in our modern day lives, our gladiator. The man who can slam a revolving door, is, in our society a house-hold name for being nothing more than purely himself.
A pillar of strength when things go astray from the norm. A martial artist, who roundhouse kicks anyone who displeases him. A hero who has no trouble at all taking recognition for all the good things in life, and roundhouse kicks anyone who disagrees. An actor who uses his fame for charitable programs and launches initiatives again drug use, and roundhouse kicks anyone who disobeys!
But Chuck too, has his faults. For example, he knows every meaning of every word in the English language other than mercy. He is currently suing the NBC claiming Law and Order are the trademarked names for his left and right legs. Or perhaps the fact that the only people to get away from Chuck Norris when he is angry with them, are astronauts.
Other than that, though, Chuck Norris has no faults. A perfect being of life. Something, that should be aspired to. A man, to whom age does not take to. A man, who built
Chuck is a one and only. If there were another, it is anticipated that Chuck Norris would meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. But that is indeed outlawed.
So every time you think of Chuck Norris, just remember, he is the one who gave Mona Lisa her smile; he is the reason why Wally is hiding; he has counted to infinite, twice; he is the one and only modern day gladiator.