Monday, March 23, 2009

Just my views on things. Take it, or leave it.

I am simply me. Yes, I’m 19 years old. Yes I still live with my mother after a failed attempt to move out of home, and yes, that was me eating spoonfuls of Milo in the kitchen at work. No, I don’t smoke. No, I don’t drink. No, I’m not abnormal, I’m simply me. Yes, I do care. Take it, or leave it.

I would, however, like a keyboard. Unfortunately, to my demise, my younger sister has publicly announced that she would like an electric keyboard for Christmas, and now with this statement, if I was to acquire my own, it would be on the terms of ‘copying’ her, and me as the oldest child, doesn’t want to seem as if I am that desperate to be “hip” that I would stoop so low as to appear that I would be ‘copying’ my sisters intentions. Damn it. I wish I had said it first.

If I were an elephant, I would stomp all my problems away. Squish emotional torture; squish worldly injustices; squish some of my family members. Squish mainstream society’s views on everything. Squish, squish… SQUISH! My, wouldn’t I feel better. Now… why aren’t I an elephant?

It’s because I’m cursed! Or perhaps, not blessed… but either way it’s not good and I don’t like it. This is my view. Why must I continue to carry on in a world where millions of people are suffering from poverty, hunger, homelessness, war, violence, terror, greed, guilt, social degradation, supremacy and yet, I am filled with sadness for my petty little life. A life that is safe, adored, tried and purposeful – or is it? I spend my days mulling over cups of earl grey and peppermint teas about how best I can work for a better future for the world and yet nearly every day, am discouraged by selfish and ignorant people that fill my heart with shame. I care, I do, but how strong can one be against such ridiculous purpose-killers and those who can’t see past their beady little lives? Already, I am beginning to loose my passion, because I don’t think my kind-heart will last in a world of shame, a world where your pre-determined social status and the people-fuelled-ridicule plans out your future, when there are so many more important things on this beautiful Earth that we may take for granted.

I am often saddened. Saddened by the fact that my cute little four dollar, size ten knickers I recently bought on sale from Best and Less are in fact too small for my ever-growing large bottom. Saddened that there is a global food crisis and yet there is also a ‘first-world global’ obesity crisis. Saddened by the fact that I am continually discouraged by people I love and people I care about. Saddened that I don’t have anyone to comfort me when I’m low and to listen when I need to talk. Saddened that my sister got in first for the keyboard request and saddened to realise that we live in a world where people just don’t care.

I came across a display plaque designed by Kelly Lane recently that says: “You have two hands, one to help yourself and the second to help others”, of which I was inspired and filled with love for my fellow man and the position that I may be in to be able to help.

Determined to not give up, I bought this little encourager, along with my organic peppermint and lemongrass soap, and walked out the store with a brightened mind that it is possible to remain committed, because people are worth it. And as I left the shopping centre ready for home, a car drove past me with a little girl slumping over the back passenger side window holding an up-side down rude finger at me, and shifting her eyes as to see if her parents could see what she was up to, and I said to myself “Yes. This whole save humanity is definitely worth fighting for. This is what I want to do.”

A collection of positive fuel feeders are definitely needed. I recently signed up to sponsor a child in India and her photo helps to ground my thoughts about why I do what I do and why I can become a part of the people fighting for a better future. There are many feel good stories, articles, music and movies out there and I thought it definitely appropriate to share mine too, because it’s not easy always fighting for justice and equality and fairness, but it’s something that needs to be done or the world is doomed forever. How irresponsible is man to allow certain issues to get as far as they are without taking dominant, positive action towards making a change for the better?

I don’t have a keyboard and I can’t see myself getting one in the near future. I am not an elephant, and I don’t think I’m “unblessed” or cursed but I am stuck between the ‘conforming to society’s standards in order to have a chance to change the world’ and ‘standing up for what I believe in and having a harder time making change’ – and it’s not easy when you hit this spot, and I’m working towards finding those positive fuel feeders – that daring, cheeky little car girl as one to start. This was naughty, yes, however allowing children the chance to grow and learn and discover is the key to the future, and I will remember her gesture when life’s decisions begin to get tough. And just in case you were interested, yes, that really was me in the kitchen at work eating Milo by the spoonful.

Keep up the good fight and think of the little things that may make the fight a little easier for you, or, you are welcome to share my thoughts.

Many positive fuel feeders,


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