I have a sneaking suspicion that perhaps, that I might actually be an intolerant, mean, selfish person, instead of the caring and peace-seeking soul that I've claimed to be in the past 21 years. Yes, it's unusual but growing truer by the minute, but it seems that I am a big meany.
Life so far, has been a bundle of crazy adventures. Some good, some bad, some easy, some difficult, but I've managed to get through them all with a funny story to tell and a little more experience to add to my worldly wisdom collection, however of late I am finding myself in quite a pickle, and a rude one at that.
I find myself judging people by their ignorant actions far beyond my usual attempt to understand what's going on in their lives to make them act in the ways that they have. There are comments circling through my brain of suggestions and favours that I am being asked that I wouldn't dare ask of others and my patience level seems to be lessening each day. I have no sympathy for people having a bad day and decide they're more important in the shopping line then me, and I certainly do not care to humour people for their petty jokes and tasteless remarks.
It's hard for me to say where this is exactly going to, seeing as each day something more comes up and I gradually shift further away from the tolerant existence that I once hoped we'd have, but it doesn't seem pleasant. However, I do believe that I can at least find a few reasons for my diminished care factor. Let's explore a little further...
I believe we live in a western society that is by majority, prides itself of the Eurocentric values consisting of superiority of the masses and little care for equal rights of people that may not hold the same immediate beliefs as them. There is no consideration for social differences and as it appears, no care for them either. I find no pride in that title, nor the fact that we as a nation continue to fuel the typical stereotypes of caring more about sporting achievements of which wages are unfairly distributed based on gender, then people suffering from basic human rights infringements in our own backyard, let alone in other countries that call out for international aid and care.
Something else particularly niggling at me in recently weeks is the inequities of the education system. Is it fair that some children are compensated for unacceptable treatment in care and poor literacy and numeracy skills with yearly theme park tickets and first dibs on entertainment in the local area, while others are not? Is it fair that the children that are not compensated in this manner will still have and continue to have challenges in school and learning environments that will not be improved but rather replaced with easier options? Not good enough.
Irresponsible and senseless consumerism, waste and litter surrounds me in this civilisation inhabited by western cultures of greed and power. This world, is seeming less and less deserving of the innocent souls that suffer at the feet of inequities and personally, I no longer feel the need to fight against it. I'm feeling more and more that this isn't a world I can pour my caring heart into,
I am a big meany. I am becoming intolerant of people who don't know any different. I feeling very mean with my horrible thoughts about why people don't think like me and why people can't just get along and see something from another's perspective, and lastly I must be selfish considering the fact that I've given up hope for the world that we live in. I guess I'll just take me and my big meany self and curl up in the corner for a while in the hope that I'll regain some sense of citizenship that I'll be proud to put my name to.